someone to hold
by capricious insanity
Summary: ravenrobin fic. includes raven's thoughts. you can't have everything you want, even though it's there in front of you, surrendering whole heartedly.


**Someone to hold**

* * *

_Everytime I see them, rompin__g around, giggling, shrieking laughter and hugging.__

* * *

_

"Hey, raven, wanna join a pillow fight? My team!"

Robin proposed and continued to pummel beast boy with the Garfield pillow.

"Yes! Friend raven, it would make us most joyous!"

_starfire chipped, helping robin bury the green octopus. _

_Robin gave me a sheepish grin._

"Yeah! On my-"

"Friend beast boy's team!"

_starfire gave me a suspicious look._

_His team._

_I mentally ended robin's sentence._

_I shook my head to decline. Andsaw the satisfied grin she gave me._

_She smiled at him._

* * *

Love. 

Joy.

Glee.

* * *

_I scream inside. _

* * *

Starfire giggled and clung to robin like a leech.

* * *

Affection.

* * *

_I want that too._

_I want her emotions. I want to be expressive._

* * *

Want, want, want!

Raven! Is that how a _thing's_ supposed to think?

Hell, don't be selfish.

What about what _they _want?

Hmm?

Ever thought of that?

Do you honestly think that she was that kind? You must be insane. No one is _that_ perfect. She's beautiful, intelligent, sweet and kind…… and possessive and flirty.

* * *

He's _her_ boy… remember what she yelled at kitten?

* * *

To quote starfire's _exact_ words… "**With my boy!"** She said _her _boy. Not yours. 

Stop dreaming _thing._ Be realistic. Your hope was broken once you were created.

And thank god for that.

* * *

"Shut up."

_I muttered under my breath._

_My conscience was invading me again. _

* * *

He turned and looked at me, a genuine smile plastered on his face.

"What was that Rae?"

I stared at him blankly. And gave him a fake smile.

"Nothing."

He looked away, disappointed.

"What's life without taking chances? Raven, be realistic, you want to have fun! God raven. You're a teenager. Still a kid. There's not even a laugh line around your mouth."

He said in a tone that only we 2 could hear, but firm enough to let me know he was upset.

* * *

And thank god..

_God._

thank god for _once_, she's not paying attention.

* * *

Ha. If you only knew robin. If you only _felt._

* * *

"I am being realistic."

I said as cold as I could.

* * *

Their relationship wasn't as we expected. He was _her_ possession now. And her property was off limits to _every_ girl. That includes _his_ mother, his own flesh and blood.. And my cat.

Robin was more than being on a leash. He isn't even in a cage half his size.. They share the same room.

_Share._

* * *

"Damn it."

I cursed and pivoted out of the tower.

"I have to go."

I said and walked.

* * *

The water's so clear and cold.

Raven ironically smiled.

"Like me."

That thought didn't bother her at all.

Her feet dipped in the water as she sat by the edge.

Tranquility.

"Ugh."

_I've had more than i can take!_

She absent-mindedly rolled her eyes and turned her head to her right, to see a face.

Raven's breath was caught in her throat. Her heart practically stopped. All the blood leaving her and joining the water.

"What you up to?"

he grinned and sat next to her.

_You sick dwarf! You have agility!_

Unfortunately, she didn't.

And _splashed._

"Ah!"

She sucked in breath as her body registered that the water was ice cold.

"You alright?"

He asked, joining her.

Her eyes bulged incredulously, noticing their closeness.

"I love you."

He mouthed.

_Out of nowhere, you say that... now!_

"No. You _love_ starfire."

Raven hurt a bit as the words left her lips.

She backed away from him, glaring at him with her amethyst stone eyes.

"Get away before she kills me. And your jokes are worse than beast boy's."

She declared with a shaky voice.

Her eyes were cold as she stared at the soaking wet robin in front of her.

He raised his hand to his face, and pulled the mask off.

"My god."

She let out.

_Violet eyes_, just like hers, stared at her own pair.

"Raven. I love you. Not starfire, I love no one else but you And I was a fool to look for someone who was already in front of me."

He paused and caressed raven's freezing cheek.

"I love starfire, as a sister. I've tried explaining everything to her… but she won't listen."

There was irritation in his voice as he revealed more.

"Raven. Don't turn away from me this time. You said you weren't ready for a relationship when I first asked you.. It's been almost 3 years."

His voice etched with sorrow.

"We were young. We still are."

She said defensively.

"But I know this is it. You're my-"

"Damn it robin! Stop fooling me! I can kill you if you continue!… please.."

She screamed the first words and ended up pleading. She turned away..

Again…

And teleported.

* * *

"Terra, you're better off than me. At least you controlled your powers.. And had fun. Nothing's controlling you… you had a choice."

She whimpered. Not daring to let her unshed tears fall.

"You had a choice."

You did.

_You_ did.

Ravengazed enviouslyat the statue and smiled.

"Let's change places. I know beast boy would love to have you, Instead of me. Instead of someone who's a complete wreck."

_I_ never did.

"Someone who's a raven."

* * *

"**I'm not human**

**I'm barely alive**

**I'm here breathing, **

**Not wanting to survive**

**Shadows looming every part of me**

**Scarring myself permanently**

**Running from reality**

**Hurting instantly**

**Tears streaming**

**Almost breaking**

**Wanting, me wanting**

**Yearning, me yearning**

**For someone to hold,**

**Someone to keep**

**And to be always**

**In someone's arms when I sleep**

**Shadows looming every part of me**

**Scarring myself permanently**

**Running from reality**

**Hurting instantly……"**

Raven took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Tears dripping on her pillow.

"**I'm not human**

**I'm barely alive**

**I'm here breathing, **

**Not wanting to survive…"**

Raven paused and whimpered the last words out..

"_Wanting someone to hold…"_

Raven's eyes fluttered as she gasped. Two arms held her, fitting perfectly as if she was molded for them.

Tears gushed even more.. Staining the flesh. Staining his ever so pure flesh.

Her heart raced and iamges blurred by. One particularly staying in front of her. Of them 3 years ago.

Same feelings, same boy, same girl.

same love.

"I'll hold you."

* * *

Well? What do you think? Raven's singing a song of mine here achaoriginal. It's short. i hope that you guys like it.

I ran out of imagination today. But will be adding more scenes here. After I've thought of them.

Sorry for the typos.

Ciao


End file.
